New Rear Goggles Cartoon - Update your wallpapers with cartoon penises! http://tinyurl.com/apocaw1

Emotikid - Forlorn

Tears of a Clown

Emotikid - Excitement

Emoti-KID: Crazy

Have you ever faced down a charging rhino?  Or a Gorilla in a rage?  That's something akin to a kid when he's in crazy mode.  They're like hopped up mental patients.  And the inmates are rioting.  The best thing is to step aside.  And let mom handle it.  That's the Apocalyptic dad way.
(while you're at it, check out some Apoca-wear at http://www.zazzle.com/ (go directly to my store here.)

Emoti-KID: Cool

Nothing makes a guy feel more like Brando in "The Wild One" than a motorcycle.  There's something about the freedom of it.  It's just badass.

My kids feel the same way about their bikes.  Nothing cooler than riding your tricycle when you're 3.  Unless you're Apocalyptic Dad, and then it's going to www.Apocalypticdad.com and checking out the stories page.  I'm just saying.

Emoti-KID: Happy

In our increasingly digitized world - and our increasingly techlogical human interaction - I thought it might be easier to chronicle my families Apocalyptic Dad-style renaissance of the soul (i.e. - doing what we want, and sucking the marrow out of life.  And Chicken bones) if I just digitized the kids to show everyone what emotion they were feeling at the time.  It's not an emoticon.  It's an emotikid.  See?  He's happy. (That was the fourth of July.  He'd better be happy, I spent $8.00 on fireworks.)
Actually, in an increasinly Apoca-dad move, I made the kids buy their own fireworks with their $5.00 monthly paycheck.  Score one for the good guys!

The "throw 'em in and let'm swim method"
It's kindof a cliche', but I think it might actually work. You see it in movies a lot, and usually it's a dad who's unsympathetic who, as an anectode to how mean he was, taught his kids how to swim by throwing them in the deep end.
Now, I think it depends on the base knowledge you give them...in other words - don't throw your 3 year old in the deep end without telling him anything beforehand. This will end badly, with probably emotional scarring. That kid will be afraid to go in the water like he just saw "Jaws."
To rewind, we dont' have a pool. So my kids get to swim maybe 6-7 times a summer, on the infrequent visit to the pool or the aunt and uncles house. So they learn to swim slowly, in increments. My five year old, last year, just started to learn, and could maybe barely dog paddle. This year he was working on it, but was close to ending the year about where he started. He didn't want to practice, and was very afraid to go near the deep end.
Now, yesterday he tells me he wants to jump off the diving board.
Why the sudden acceleration in the schedule? I finally just threw him in.
He was saying over and over that he didn't want to go in the deep end and didn't want to practice swimming. I wanted to show him he could survive if he did go in, so I walked him over to the deep end (with him crying the whole time - I'm sure the mothers and grandmothers thought I was a total train wreck of a father (an apocalyptic dad?) - but that's okay. He protested, but I threw him in.
He sputtered and floundered, but he knew how to keep afloat and he paddled over to the side.
Praise, praise, praise! Okay, now you can play.
Next time, same thing, but farther.
Third time I made him swim to the OTHER side of the pool. And suddenly (with a little reminding) the dog paddle strokes turned into longer reaches and smiles, and now he goes down the slides into the deep end upside down and backwards.
Take that, disapproving lady who gave me an evil glance. It worked afterall.

360 days of summer continues! Bike rides are on the menu - with a side of skinned knee and sore backside. Even though I need a doughnut to sit down, and a pillow to put under my bottom like I was a victim of a horrible prison event, I still loved it. What's great about bike rides is not the pedaling, or the riding, or the stupid helmet. What's important is looking at the kids, and seeing how awesome they think it is (and noticing how little they are screaming and yelling at each other during this glorious ride.) In the end, aren't half of the activities we do just designed to keep the kids entertained so they don't kill each other and make you watch an excess of soap operas to escape the madness? If this sounds like you, I suggest a bike ride!
As any apocalyptic dad (a dad who plays by his own rules) knows, other people's opinion mean nothing. However, everyone will have an opinion of how you're doing. "oh, they shouldn't do that" or "do you think your child performing a touchdown endzone dance in that fountain is appropriate?" - the answer is SHUT THE HELL UP. I'll parent how I want, and if you think that's going to be the end of the world...sorry. But I digress. My point is, people will still nitpick no matter what you do. So just do what you like. You'd think a bike ride would be sufficiently sanitized that no one would offer complaint. Maybe they shouldn't have been flipping brodies on the park grass. Maybe they shouldn't have been spitting their water at each other while they rode past. But come on! Victim-less crime. Would you rather they spat water, or spray painted your fence? The choice is clear. Have fun out there!

I think the world has become two polar opposites when it comes to parenting. On one side, you've got the parents who do nothing with their kids - the hands-off parents whose kids you see roaming the streets at dusk - and the way too hands on parents, who stop their kids from breathing too loudly. Those parents, though trying hard to make sure their kids don't end up in the "what do you want to do now?" roamers who eventually end up doing something illegal, are actually doing harm to their kids as well by being too strict. If too many fences are put up, human nature tells us to knock the fences down! And once the fence is down...the animals roam free. That's not the way.

You need to give the kids some leash. Let them go a little bit. Let them be kids. Who cares if you get a few dirty looks from stuck up Grandma in the cereal aisle? She can be indignant. She can think "those kids aren't well behaved." That's her OPINION. In my opinion my kids are perfectly behaved. Not too wild. Not too boring. Just right. And that knowledge makes me smile while they are dumping out the captain crunch on the floor.

We've been trying to get game time going at our house. The problem is having enough time. I've even been setting the games out to force us to remember to play. But it hasn't worked yet. All its done is get the kids over excited. There's just not anyu time for it after dinner. Maybe we should do it during dinner?
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Apocalyptic dads - radical parenting for a changing world.

The world has already ended. The old world is gone. Its time for the new generation to do something original. Revolutionize the world.

And it starts with the youth.
Sent from my BlackBerry� smartphone powered by Inland Cellular

Apocalyptic dads - radical parenting for a changing world.

The world has already ended. The old world is gone. Its time for the new generation to do something original. Revolutionize the world.

And it starts with the youth.
Sent from my BlackBerry� smartphone powered by Inland Cellular

Apocalyptic dads - radical parenting for a changing world.

The world has already ended. The old world is gone. Its time for the new generation to do something original. Revolutionize the world.

And it starts with the youth.
Sent from my BlackBerry� smartphone powered by Inland Cellular

Apocalyptic dads - radical parenting for a changing world.

The world has already ended. The old world is gone. Its time for the new generation to do something original. Revolutionize the world.

And it starts with the youth.
Sent from my BlackBerry� smartphone powered by Inland Cellular

Sorry for the downed site - clearing out for a rethink of what were doing here. Stay tuned you two!
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